As we come upon the 9/11 annversary I am reminded how proud I am of my boyfriend Dan. He has been a Volunteer Firefighter for YEARS. He was Chief for a long time. After 9/11 he waited a few days, and when he saw how bad it was, he went to New York on his own dime, and stayed for 10 days with little to no sleep doing recovery work. He will only talk about a little of it. The most he says is “it was bad. Very bad.” His own family didnt know he went. He said we was going to be on business out of town because he didn’t know what he could do once he got there. He met up with firefighters from all over the country that had the same thought – whatever we can do.

We have no idea of how blessed we are to be alive. To live in a country that is, as our pledge says, indivisible. and even though we disagree, have the RIGHT to disagree. And to know that there are people that will jump in to help our families find some peace.

I think of recent disasters and how people jumped in and helped.

I am humbled.

I Pledge Allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
and to the Republic
for which it stands,
one Nation under God,
indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all.

Once again it has been a while since I last wrote. There is a lot going on and I find myself in the dog days of working out. At the beginning I LOVED and CRAVED working out. Lately it honestly seems like a struggle. However, fitness is always a part of my routine these days. I keep some 10 lb. hand weights in my office and when I have down time I do curls, lifts, etc. I incorporate squats into my daily routine (people think I have a personal problem at times). My boyfriend lives in the country so my puppy has been staying at his place. Dom now has another dog to play with while I am at work, someone lets him out during the day, and he gets to run wild without a leash. BUT I do not have the daily walks with him and have been feeling the effect of not taking those mini walks. So I started taking longer walks myself. And I did something I swore I would NEVER do. I took the cane out of my trunk. Taking short walks is no problem at all, but when I go over a mile, it got to be very tiring at the end. So I had a choice: Keep taking short walks, or take longer walks and use a walking stick or my cane. So I compromised – I now use my old wooden cane that resembles a walking stick. Compromise thy name is Janimal.

It is harder to MAKE time for the gym – but it is no longer an option for me. I MUST work out. My health and well being depend upon it. Besides – it is nice to now buy clothes from the left side of the store (this will mean something to the women). But one side effect to becoming the person I was meant to be is time. I no longer have the time I used to. It seems I am always running. Late usually. Because I have a life now. It is kind of cool.

I was asked to do a radio and television PSA for the MS Society, and to speak at their Mud Run recently (shout out to everyone who was a part of that!!). I hope to do more with them in the future, but what little I have done is so incredibly humbling. I cannot thank Chad, Lisa, Jeremy and JC enough for their part in this journey of mine. I am so excited to see the next stage. I’ll try and be more diligent about sharing it with you. Because you are all a part of this journey. Let’s do it together.

>Wow, it has been a long time since I posted. I have lots going on in my mind but it just doesn’t seem to make it to my fingers.

I’ve been thinking about the MS Society and how they have been so important to me lately. After going to a Wellness Seminar sponsored by the society I found there were funds available for wellness. I remember asking the director afterwards if it could be used for training and was told no. Anyone who knows me knows that “because I said so” does not work for me. It took me 6 months of “gentle persuasion” to convince them of the validity of paying for my training. I decided to make it a mission to help them see the importance of allowing grants for training not just for me, but for others. And guess what? After 6 months of staying on them they now not only pay for my training but for other DFM clients. Honestly it was scary when I let others know because I was afraid they would no longer pay for both me and others. But I knew I am at the point I would continue on my own, and if someone else could be helped, then it is their turn. So if you have a client with MS who made the initial investment, let me know and I will be happy to forward the forms and my contact. And if the MS Society will do it, why not other organizations? Sometimes it is just a matter of being “the mouth that roared”.

The MS Society has been monitoring my “success” and just featured me in an article in their newsletter which went out to everyone on the gateway mailing list, letting people know of the success of not only me, but other people. AND they just had a videographer come to the St Charles gym (shout out) to shoot a segment interviewing me, and showing me working out with Jake the Great. They plan on putting the segment on their website as well as showing it at their Wellness Seminars to show people with this disease what they are capable of doing. Truth be told, I was not feeling great when they shot the segment. But to me this is an important part of the story. Even at our weakest there is still so much we are able to do.

Now I didn’t start this path until past my 50th birthday (can’t believe I just told you that!!). Imagine if someone started in their 20’s 30’s or 40’s! Now I plan on being the female Jack LaLanne – annoying you until well in my 90’s. But not just for me. If someone who wants to lose a little weight gains inspiration from my perspiration that is wonderful. But my target people are those sitting on their couch and don’t see how they can do it. I’m telling you – if a middle aged overweight woman who walks with a cane and has a progressive incurable neurological disease can do it – ANYONE CAN!

And be creative with how you/they CAN do it. Do not be afraid to ask for the gift of fitness for your birthday or holiday gift. While I do not encourage others to do this, I borrowed from a 401(k) and paid it back. I know a woman (again, not encouraging, just telling) who used part of a loan for training. When it is a matter of life or life, you find a way. If you needed surgery tomorrow, you would find a way. Well, it is time to think of this as necessary surgery to some. You have to, because unless their fitness level changes, we will lose people to heart diseases, diabetes, and countless other ailments. I for one can no longer accept this. I will not allow my friends to commit suicide by food without at least acknowledging it just as I would if I saw the needle in their vein. If they are hurting, I want to be there. If they do not KNOW what to do, I want to give them the benefit of my limited knowledge. But more than anything, I want to be there. Be heard. Encourage them. Make a difference. Be known as “the mouth that roared”.

>You know it’s been a while since I posted. A conversation I had with another MS client has really made me stop and think: Am I setting people up for a letdown? Am I giving them unrealistic expectations? And I’ve come to the conclusion – nope. Not even close. I appreciate the honest dialog and always love anything that makes me think. But I honestly believe that what I have found to work for me will work for others. But my success is a 3 pronged. Ok, maybe 4. And I have had to have all of the prongs in order to have the success I’ve had.

The first is faith. First and foremost my faith has seen me through the hardest of times. And it is there in the easiest of times. It will be with me until the day I die. It is who I am. It is what MAKES me who I am.

Second, nutrition. I changed my diet about 4 months before I started working out – and it helped tremendously. I had to learn to eat to live, and not live to eat. There IS a difference. Now when I go out with my boyfriend for a pizza, I always get a salad and eat it, and maybe a piece of pizza. The old me would have thought salad was a waste of money, and gone for the whole pizza. It may be a “waste” of money, but my “waist” likes the waste. That is only one small example, but another is I never eat fast food anymore. Food is not an afterthought, but a planned out forethought. Because if I do no plan ahead of time it is a recipe for disaster. I MUST have food in the house, my lunches planned out, etc. I still occasionally go out, but think about it ahead of time. I try to eat no preservative or additives, no prepackaged or preprepared foods. VERY low in fat. No red meat. This is not the diet for everyone, but find what works for you – and STICK TO IT FOREVER. Not just until you lose weight. FOREVER.

The third prong is exercise. Not only does it help you burn calories, but it tones the flab. And it helps your entire mood change. I NEVER would have believed it, but it really does affect the way you feel. I have gone in bruised to the max, and sore. Jake laughs because I always ask on a scale of 1-10 how I did. On some days he has been generous when he said 4. Not because of lack of trying, but because due to injuries or fatigue it was all I could do. But guess what? I earned every one of those 4 points. AND it always goes up. ALWAYS. I may not be happy with the 4 – but it is an honest 4. And I ALWAYS feel better for the effort.

The last prong …..is ME. I have to believe in myself. NEVER accept the hand that is dealt me – but always fight to the bitter end. And I promise you this – I will! NEVER give in. NEVER give up. And NEVER give out!!! NEVER. There has to be a fire deep inside you that will get you through the times when it doesn’t seem like there is any hope. I promise you – there IS hope. YOU just have to see it. And if you cannot yet see it externally, see it internally – then work to make it happen.

So if maybe someone else doesn’t have the same results, does that mean they are doing something wrong? It doesn’t mean that any more than the fact that I still occasionally fall means that I have done something wrong. There are some people in remission that NEVER fall. One is not better than the other. We are each on our own journey. But I would hope that someone can learn just a little bit from the journey I’ve taken. And after having lived with this for going on 17 years I would hope I have some credibility. Am I saying I’ll never have another attack? Heck, I’ve had them since I’ve started blogging with you all. But am I saying it has lessened? ABSOLUTELY. And more than anything, I have changed. Not only externally, but internally. Because I know how precious life is, and what a true gift it is. Carpe Diem.

>

I saw an elderly woman with a cane in the gym yesterday. She seemed to be struggling a little and it caught my attention. Me, being me, talked to her for just a second. I told her a little bit of what I’d gone through and told her that if she would stay with this, I guaranteed it would get easier.

Her trainer came up to me later and said she is over 85, had suffered a stroke, and relied more and more on her cane. She was frustrated and seemed to be tired of trying. However, after talking to me she seemed to have a new fire and was going to try a little harder.

Now to me, I felt a little silly. I mean I was comparing apples to oranges! But she heard something else. She heard that you can overcome your circumstances by hard work and consistency.

While thinking about some things that have happened recently a saying that has served me well came to me ” “it isn’t what happens to you. It is how you REACT to what happens to you. Sometimes a door must close in order for another one to open. Don’t lose the blessing.”

All I know is that the door to the past is closed, and there is a wonderful door ahead. It may not be the door I THOUGHT that it would be, but that makes it more exciting. Sometimes it may be a door which leads you to a struggling 85 year old woman.

So keep preaching even when it seems it is falling on deaf ears. I know I will. And all it takes is one person to make it all worthwhile. She made today worthwhile for me. I wonder who it will be tomorrow.

>A few years ago while on a mission’s trip doing disaster relief I found a wooden heart embedded in the ground. It was completely covered with mud and all kinds of nasty things. We have no idea where it came from or how far the tornado carried it. But as I was cleaning debris I found it, covered it in my bandana and stuck it in my pocket. Later when I came home and unpacked everything I found it, cleaned it as best I could and kept it in my living room as a reminder. Sometimes our hearts become so encrusted with the dirt of life, it almost seems hopeless. But all you need to do is clean off the crud, and a beautiful new heart is revealed.

It’s the same with people. Sometimes we get so sucked into bad habits and bad choices that it doesn’t seem we’ll ever become “clean” again. But if we slowly start making changes, we can watch the old layers slowly start to be removed. And soon, just like with my wooden heart, a new person will be revealed. Better than before because you’ve weathered the storm and survived.

So in this season of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for family and friends, but also thankful for the choices I am making towards my new life. A cleaner life.

>This morning as I drove to work I thought about why I wore purple. It isn’t to make a statement about anyone’s sexual preference. It is for the same reason that I stood with friends last night for an hour and half while waiting for a St. Charles graduate return home. He was 18, had been in Iraq for 4 days when he lost his life. The funeral home he was on his way to was about a mile from where I stood with my friends. We were not there for anything personal. I had never met the man. My friend knew both he and his family, and when she asked me to stand with her, I hesitated briefly. I mean I had JUST walked in the door; Dom had been in the kitchen all day. Then I thought about the sacrifice this man had just made for ME, gave myself a mental kick in the butt and started getting ready to go.

So we stood in the cold last night. People pulled over and asked what we were doing. When we told them, some stopped and joined us. No one left even though it was an hour and half longer than we anticipated. As the motorcycle riders, police and military escorts passed, I thought about the other young lives we’ve recently lost.

So I wore purple today. Because EVERY life counts. When we lose one, a part of all of us dies. Maybe people will ask why I am wearing it, and when I tell them , will stand with me symbolically. And when I work out this week, it will be with a feeling of gratitude. For the blessing of this thing called life, and being able to participate in it. And MAYBE help one person along the way find THEIR way.

Make today count.

>You know people tell me I shouldn’t be so open about my MS because people who don’t know me will prejudge me. But I’ve had a few wonderful things happen that had I been quiet (those who know me are laughing now) just wouldn’t have happened. I’ve had the opportunity to speak to so many people – some face-to-face, some just in the cyber world, about this journey. Wonderful people have shared their journey with me and we’ve been able to inspire each other. One thing that happened the other day made me laugh. Jake the Great has a new client who was upset because of heart challenges she didn’t have as much strength as she used to. Jake shared my story to tell her there is hope. It makes me laugh because I imagine, “You think YOU have it bad? Let me tell you a story…..” Now it didn’t happen that way but in my head it did.

Recently a national organization has agreed to pay for my training because of my “success”. Originally they were going to pay for 2 months – now they said they will continue paying as long as they are able. Had wonderful is THAT? But I know it isn’t being done so I will sit quietly by and just receive the gift. It is so I will pay it forward. So if you know of ANYONE who is struggling physically, please put us in touch with each other. Contact DFM or the Director of your gym and say you want to set up a meeting. Or contact Billy at St. Charles DFM and he will get the message to me. Anytime, anywhere. Sometimes I’ve met people and didn’t “feel” like anything happened – but it isn’t about that. It’s about knowing there is someone who has been where they are, and will let them know, hey if I can do, ANYONE can. And I CAN, and WILL.

And to those who want me to be quiet…..LOL…….sorry I couldn’t even finish that sentence.

>What will that buy you? A cup of Fivebucks (as my friend calls it). A “Meal Deal”. A gallon or 2 of gas? Or training. I added up what I’ve spent on training thus far and that is about what I’ve spent. And what have I GAINED? Well, let’s look at what I’ve LOST first
The following prescriptions: Novac, Atenol, Lipitor, Amantadine (energy for M.S. symtoms – usually used for Parkinson’s disease), Avonex and Celexa

Other things such as walking with a cane, 70 something pounds, and a “poor me” attitude.
.
As far as what I’ve GAINED – well, life! Everyone who has known me for years comments on the fact that I look years younger. You know, having the weight of the world lifted off your shoulders tends to do that to you. When you are used to waking up every morning crying because you just honestly don’t know how you’re going to get through the day and now you wake up laughing to a smiling puppy (yes, he really smiles) ready for the first morning walk BEFORE coffee, how can you put a price on that? Well in my case I can. $5 a day.

Training may not be for everyone. But for some of us, it is literally a lifeline. I am a very spiritual woman, and my “inside” was very strong; however my outside was falling apart. It took me a long time to realize that I am responsible for this vessel called a body. As I told a friend, eventually you have to get up off your knees and do what you’ve been told to do or you will just end up with bloody knees. I can cry and complain about “it isn’t fair”, but something my Dad told me after my divorce is still true today. “Whoever told you that like was fair was a liar.” But you know what? It is what we make of it. Don’t like your life? CHANGE IT. Some people only need training for a brief time to get the basics and find out what they need to better themselves. Some of us have NO IDEA what to do, and need the tools you give us. ALL of us need to get off our duffs and DO something.

While I may not do this forever (unless I win the lottery – wait, is that $5?) I have learned the tools to continue the journey on my own. And that I WILL do. I look forward to not only taking, but LEADING classes while in my 80s. Get ready, because a lot of you will want to take that class.

And I’ll let you. For $5 a class.

>March to the Arch September 11, 2010. I was fortunate enough to meet up with the group of people at the end of the March to the Arch. My friend and I parked near the Arch, and then walked to Union Station where we were able to join the walkers, and walk BACK to the Arch with them. It was such a humbling day. As I was stumbling while walking I was beginning to have a pity party. Then I thought of the huge sacrifice made on that day and WHY we were walking, and I decided I didn’t care if I only walked one block, I would do so with me head held high.

I met up with a new friend on the walk – a woman I began emailing at the suggestion of her trainer. She is a Lymphoma survivor, and had never worked out a day in her life. She is doing FANTASTIC. I told her soon we will be making the Cougar Rounds together.

I was able to wear my Superman tee-shirt in honor of my favorite Marine, Jared McGowen – a DFM trainer, and walk with him a bit. When you see him, ask him the meaning of the Superman shirt. (Look, up in the air!)

The friend who went with me on the walk just recently mentioned needing to start working out again – so we have been meeting up on Saturdays at the gym closer to her. It is wonderful for both of us because it gives me a change of pace, and makes BOTH of us get up on Saturday morning and go (thanks Linda).

At the end of the walk I met a wonderful woman in a wheelchair who also has MS. We were able to talk a bit and I was able to share part of my journey. We are going to become cyber buddies first, and then I said next year I don’t care if it is 100 ft.; we are going to do part of the walk together. I KNOW it.

I’ve said all of this to show that there is someone next to you who just needs some encouragement. Sometimes it’s just a friend wanting to regain her health. Sometimes it is a new friend who is desperately looking for hope. But look around today and find someone who needs what you have. And give it to them. You will never regret it. And as you walk today, remember what a blessing the simple act of walking is.

Thank you to all of our first responders.